How I Survived The End Of My Nonexistant Life
by Rio 2.0
Summary: A Documentary By Roxas. Roxas' life is changing. We all saw it coming. Actually, we watched it happen. Again and again. The question remains though, what are Roxas' thoughts? His ACTUAL thoughts. He is only a teenager, after all. Rated To Be Safe.


Here we go again. My second _thingy._

**Disclaimer**: I Owneth NOTHING. Like, NOTHING nothing, not like... nobody –nothings. As much as I wish I owned those… You recognize it, and it's NOT mine.

_For Tsuki!! _

_And by Tsuki I mean Goo!_

…_and by Goo I mean go read her stuff! It's eight trillion times better than this._

_Despite what she says._

_Please, I hope you enjoy!_

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

This was it.

All the weirdness…

All the tripped out visions I've been having…

The hallucinations….

That weird unmentionable brownie incident…

I swear to god they looked like brownies. Hayner even agreed with me, but Olette had to go and prove me wrong. She always has to be right. ALWAYS. This sucks because we all have to agree. Agree or die, and not get her ice cream treats.

Where does she pull those from anyways? A black void of delicious sugary-saltiness, that's what. I shall call it The Black Pocket Void Of Sugary And Salty Goodness. Creative, I think. But I mean, the other day, we're all on the station tower celebrating my chief victory of total domination in the struggle match, full of manly manliness and me NOT acting like a pussy, and POOF! She pulls them out of thin air. Not that I'm complaining. I did complain when Setzer verbally sexually assaulted me though.

"I'll make it worth your while"? I mean, he's how old? He was totally coming onto me. Didn't he realize that I am as straight as a straw?

Unlike that Axel guy. Did you see how he fought? All _bent_ forward suggestively, looking at me with those enchanting green eyes, that lithe body of his… performing splits when I pushed him back a bit… It must really suck to be beaten by a giant key. Axel should know. He's been beaten by one.

STRAIGHT as a crazy straw. Err… I mean…bendy straw. No… wait. Just straw.

Stop thinking like that you crazy perverts. Psychos. All of you. Not me though! It's not like I'm talking to the omnipotent gods of this world. Nuh Uh. No way. NEVER!

…Did I just quote Hayner…?

…Save me, for I may have to off myself later.

Oh dear. I've started rambling again, haven't I? This is almost worse than the time I had that raunchy daydream of Axel while looking for the girl in the window. I had a hell of a time explaining the obvious change in elevation to Pence. I think that he thinks that I think he's cute. This would mean I'm gay.

Which, as previously established, I am not.

Speaking of aforementioned girl… It's all her fault! She was so mean to me! I could've cried… but, I'm too manly for that. She told me I shouldn't exist, or something. At first, I thought her hallucinations were drug-induced, but, it started to become clearer to me the other night…

After I finished that last joint, I turned to Hayner, and tried to explain it to him, but he was too high, and I soon determined it pointless. Then this morning, that Axel came back, and he was all like "I'm going to attack!" and I was all like

"No you aren't!"

…and he was all like "Oh yes I am!"

…and I was all like "Bring it!"

…and he brought it… almost. He kind of froze in time, and I took a convenient sketchy marker and drew whiskers on him. It was very cute. I mean funny. Not cute. Straight straw, remember?

And that, my omnipotent, invisible and possibly imaginary friends, is why and how I am here, standing in front of this door. This magical door of wonder and joy… and joyness…

The voices told me to come here, and so I came. So sue me. I opened the big door.

…Well, I tried to. It's quite heavy.

…Oh… wait… heh... I was supposed to push… not pull.

… I really hate doors like this!

…oooh…. Shiny… and…

"MY GOD IT BURNS! The white is… is… BLINDING! This pain is unbearable! I don't think…. I'll… make it…. I'm already melting… MELTING!"

Of course, Naminé had to ruin the fun. "Roxas…?"

That is a _really_ short _white_ dress of hers. Isn't white a symbol of virginity…? Is she trying to make up for something lost…? Slut…

"Ummm… no… I… just like white." Oh. Whoops. Did I say that out loud?

"Oh. Sorry"

"It's okay."

Time to change the subject before this gets even more awkward.

"What's going to happen to me?" Good job. Blunt and to the point. She can't evade this topic. It would destroy some sort of law, I'm sure of it.

…Unfortunately I didn't factor in her ability to ramble as well. Okay, I get it, I'm not my own person. Stop rubbing it in my face. Oh yeah? Well, I have… a non white room! Take that!

…_ahem. _

I seemed to have zoned out… is that guy trying to attack her? Shouldn't someone help her? He looks like a pedophile… Well, it's her fault. That white was bound to entice some old man pervert. I should probably do something. Oh, she's trying to tell me something…

"...you won't disappear! You'll be whole!"

Freeze. _Rewind_.

"You mean I'm going to disappear?!"

"Roxas! Did you listen to a word I said?! You'll be whole!"

"You just said I'm going to disappear! Like, is this a fatal disappearance of death…? Or a kidnapping kind of disappear? Where am I going go? Is the man in black going to take me? Are you the mafia? Where did I put my sweet little bucket?!"

At this point, I got blank stares. Well, screw you all. I loved that bucket.

Oh dear. They all just… disappeared into black voids of doom. Is that were the ice cream is…? Well damn. Hey, a crayon! …and a sketchpad!

For no obvious reason, I began to doodle. Oh..! It looks like Naminé left a note!

"_Roxas,_

_There is a golden picture in this sketchbook._

_Use it!_

_-Naminé_

Well, that isn't helpful. I look at this god awful _art_ and I have no idea what I can do with it. A hat perhaps? A new weapon? I could chuck it at the freaks in white, and maybe, just maybe, they'll implode. I mean, with everything that's happened it's very likely to happen. At this point in time, I can summon a giant key to fight with from the black pocket void. Who said paper can't work?

Ah screw it. I'm too lazy. The giant Key of DOOM will have to suffice. Speaking of which, time to scatter. Eventually, the freaks are going to realize they can open the doors… or that they can just transport themselves into this room. Might as well take the advantage as I have it…. Now which was it, Push or pull…?

I think I pushed last time… so… does that mean I pull now? Or is the door going to trick me again? Why isn't this damn thing labeled?!

So... Pull it was… interesting. Not really.

And here come the freakadoodles. Hehe… Freakadoodles. I am a genius I tell you!

I should probably run now. I really don't want to fight these things. They like, whip me, and it's all kinky and weird.

A bad kind of kinky mind you.

Kind of disgusting if you try to… MENTAL IMAGES SHALL NOT PREVAIL!!

Ow ow ow ow…

They really hurt. Only a couple more inches to go!

Stop whipping me you bastards!

Finally! I've made it. I've managed to survive the whipping arms and hide myself in this library-type room! I have this distinct feeling in my gut that tells me to walk over to the table. So I do.

The voices have dug me a hole. I followed my heart and my mind, and look where I ended up. An old mansion with a mafia led by a pedophile and freaky white whipping ninjas.

…Awesome.

… But I still think I should follow my stomach. If I had, I would probably be eating a cheeseburger right now.

Damn.

Well, now I am left with only one option.

One option: to RULE THEM ALL! I mean…

Well, I gave up listening to what I think, because I cannot think while listening to what I think about and I end up more confused then I was before.

…and there is only one thing I am sure of now.

"This table is calling out to me. It wants me…. To draw."

And draw I did.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

_And the pointlessness reigns. _

_Readers make my day, but reviewers win at life. _

_You don't want to lose at LIFE do you?_

_**Cookies! **_


End file.
